EARTHA KITT
January 17, 1927 – December 25, 2008
We’ll miss you, Catwoman

Oh yeah… merry Christmas, everyone.

Perhaps the only genuinely funny thing that we’ve ever done on this site was our “All of That” alternate lyrics contest. We still have some prizes to give away, so we’ve always wanted to have another one.

Well, hello, “Intelligent People”!!!

Ah yes, Rob’s first foray into adult contemporary is ripe for the picking; for some reason, we’ve just now realized how awful this song is. So once again, we’re giving you the opportunity to aspire toward the lowest level of Dickinsonian greatness! Simply post your own lyrics here. We’ll give out a CW rarity to the best ones.

All we ask is that you submit one verse and chorus, though you can do more. Look to the end of this post if you don’t know the original lyrics.

Here are the rules, as developed by Mr. Dickinson himself in the original song.

• Tenuous internal rhymes are mandatory (“Arise, my son / Fight, my son,” etc.) – however, rhyming at the end of lines should be kept to a bare minimum.
• Please use awkward pseudo-English as a Second Language phrasing (“they will be the ones to hang around and prosper from,” “stimulate your flattened state”) when necessary simply for the sake of the tenuous internal rhyme. We mean it. Sacrifice all propriety and logic for the sake of the fucking rhyme! MAKE RHYMES NO MATTER WHAT THE COST! Seriously! Just fucking do it!
• After dispensing your homespun advice, inexplicably assert that your suggestions are “all” the listener “can do,” despite any lack of evidence for such a strict limitation.
• The dopier the chorus, the vastly greater your chances of winning.

Post your lyrics as comments on this post. Enter as many times as you like. We’ll keep it going until JULY 1. Prizes to be announced here soon! As usual, we will be giving away some GOOD FUCKING ASS SHIT!!! And of course, we’ll be competing with you.

(by the way, try to follow some sort of coherent theme in your songwriting, although since this is a site that features Neil’s Target fashion line and the Sanctuary Intimidation Crew, we can’t realistically be too demanding) (more…)