EARTHA KITT
January 17, 1927 – December 25, 2008
We’ll miss you, Catwoman

Oh yeah… merry Christmas, everyone.

Well, hello, “Intelligent People”!!!

Ah yes, Rob’s first foray into adult contemporary is ripe for the picking; for some reason, we’ve just now realized how awful this song is. So once again, we’re giving you the opportunity to aspire toward the lowest level of Dickinsonian greatness! Simply post your own lyrics here. We’ll give out a CW rarity to the best ones.

All we ask is that you submit one verse and chorus, though you can do more. Look to the end of this post if you don’t know the original lyrics.

Here are the rules, as developed by Mr. Dickinson himself in the original song.

• Tenuous internal rhymes are mandatory (“Arise, my son / Fight, my son,” etc.) – however, rhyming at the end of lines should be kept to a bare minimum.
• Please use awkward pseudo-English as a Second Language phrasing (“they will be the ones to hang around and prosper from,” “stimulate your flattened state”) when necessary simply for the sake of the tenuous internal rhyme. We mean it. Sacrifice all propriety and logic for the sake of the fucking rhyme! MAKE RHYMES NO MATTER WHAT THE COST! Seriously! Just fucking do it!
• After dispensing your homespun advice, inexplicably assert that your suggestions are “all” the listener “can do,” despite any lack of evidence for such a strict limitation.
• The dopier the chorus, the vastly greater your chances of winning.

Post your lyrics as comments on this post. Enter as many times as you like. We’ll keep it going until JULY 1. Prizes to be announced here soon! As usual, we will be giving away some GOOD FUCKING ASS SHIT!!! And of course, we’ll be competing with you.

(by the way, try to follow some sort of coherent theme in your songwriting, although since this is a site that features Neil’s Target fashion line and the Sanctuary Intimidation Crew, we can’t realistically be too demanding)

“INTELLIGENT PEOPLE” (from My Porsche is Yellow, 2005/2008)

Arise my son, weary and bleary eyed
You gotta fight, my son
Seek out good souls ‘cos they will be the ones
To hang around and prosper from
Right now it’s all that you can do

You’ve just gotta smile and hang out with intelligent people
You’ve just gotta smile and hang out with intelligent people
You’ve just gotta smile and hang out with intelligent people
And hang out with intelligent people

Here are my top 10:

1. “A wounded gosling incessantly screaming ‘FAFF’” (and Futter’s entire harmonica rant) (Mike)
2. “THE SOCIETY FOR THE MAKESURANCE THAT THERE ARE NO MORE CATWOMANS.” (Mike)
3. “Dickinson raised the very large shotgun to his shoulder, spat something onto the ground (Skoal, no doubt) and said, ‘Hasta la vista, deer.‘ Then he fired. He hit the deer right in the heart. There were witnesses, of course, and if anyone disputes the fact that Rob killed a deer, their IP addresses will be logged and traced.” (Mike)
4. “The biggest surprise of the day came at about 5 p.m., when Ellis uttered his first words: ‘Uh lef’ m’bo’l!’ ‘At first, we thought it was baby talk,’ CW drummer Neil Sims said. ‘Then we realized it was just Scottish.’” (PJ)
5. “‘Me thoot I’woos seff! In’ Feen w’sin, ‘Goo, Bin! Goo!’ ‘E woos soo’eppy! Me ne’r thoot I gi’hoort! Foony thin’is, I di’t’fil no pin!’” (I’m a sucker for Ben quotes) (Britt)
6. “THOUGH I BELIEVE IN THE SOVEREIGN DIVINITY OF SATAN (OR AT LEAST THAT HE SHOULD BE SOVEREIGN), I ACTUALLY WISH TO ESTABLISH A KINGDOM FOR MYSELF! ME! DAVID PERCY HAWES!” (Mike)
7. “‘Sorry I’m late,” apologized [Bruce] Dickinson. ‘I just finished some commentary for VH-1. Then I have to fly a plane. Then I have to quit Iron Maiden. Then I have to write a book. Then I have to perform heart surgery. Then I have to rejoin Iron Maiden. Then I have to slay a dragon. Then I have to build a nuclear reactor.’” (Britt)
8. “When asked if the cover could be seen as artistic, Wilford responded, ‘I don’t know much about art, but let’s get this straight: you tell a 16-year-old boy there’s a record cover with hooters and willies on it, and that kid ain’t gonna give a flyin’ hoot about no Norman Rockwell or Patrick Picasso. He’s gonna run off in the corner with it, or take that CD over to his girlfriend’s and Lord knows what they’ll do with it.’” (Mike)
9. “‘So many other ‘musicians,’ such as Trent Reznor, have referred to Courtney as an opportunistic bitch. That couldn’t be further from the truth,’ affirmed Dickinson. ‘Besides, it’s genetically impossible for Trent to know anyway, so I don’t see how it concerns him.’” (Britt)
10. “‘Yesterday I broke down and bought Herbal Essences conditioner,’ Hendrick said, holding back tears, ‘and today I’m probably going to have to eat spaghetti sauce from a jar!! I’m drinking Bud Light instead of Heineken, eating Little Debbie granola bars instead of PowerBars, and I haven’t been able to buy a pair of shoes since last Saturday! I don’t mean three days ago… I mean TEN days ago! Neil is ruining my life!’” (Mike… though Britt helped with this, I think)

(Yes, I mostly like my own stuff.)

Any items that should be in this Top 10?

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