Co-Editor In Chief
A three-hour abstinence stint was cut short when Catherine Wheel bassist Ben Ellis allegedly consumed massive amounts of vodka, whiskey, gin, tequila, cough syrup, bitters and rubbing alcohol, and then proceeded to ride a wagon downhill while standing up, only to lose his balance, resulting in breaking both hands and suffering other minor injuries.
Ellis was caring for fellow bandmate Neil Sims’s son, Finn, while Sims left to run a quick errand. The two were playing outside when Finn suggested a wagon ride.
“I’woos beeb’sit’n Nil’s li’ol soon, Feen!” explained Ellis from his bed at a local hospital. “I woos trin t’ int’tain’m!”
Sims arrived home just as Ellis was making his way back to Sims’s home to call an ambulance. Sims immediately rushed Ellis to the hospital.
“I don’t know what Ben was thinking,” Sims said, shaking his head. “I’m just glad my son stayed at the top of the hill and watched.”
Ellis maintains it was all in good fun, despite Finn’s coercion.
“Me thoot I’woos seff! In’ Feen w’sin, ‘Goo, Bin! Goo!’ ‘E woos soo’eppy! Me ne’r thoot I gi’hoort! Foony thin’is, I di’t’fil no pin!”
Test results are still inconclusive as to whether Ellis’ binge occurred before he entered the wagon, or if the accident instigated his alcohol consumption.
When asked to comment on the pending outcome of the results, Catherine Wheel manager and walking PR machine Merck Mercuriadis replied, “Which came first: THE chicken or THE egg?”