Love tips up on Dickinson

Brittany Hendrick
Co-Editor In Chief

“I really don’t understand what the big deal is,” sighed Rob Dickinson as he sulked in his chair in a recent interview, puffing on what seemed like his twentieth cigarette. “So we had a relationship. So fucking what? I’m over it now. We are great friends.”

The relationship in question was the brief tryst between the Catherine Wheel frontman and the abominable Courtney Love. The “big deal” Dickinson referred to was the British press and its accompanying dramatics, which once surrounded the former couple.

“They completely misconstrued the nature of our relationship,” continued Dickinson.

Dickinson bears the mark of Love, sweet Love.

The headlines detailed such topics as the couple’s constant battling with one another, whether Dickinson used Love to supplement his career, and most notably, who broke up with whom.

“We rarely fought. And the accusations of me using her were utterly ridiculous!” Dickinson leaned forward in his chair for emphasis and gravely stated, “I do not use people.”

Contrary to press reports, Dickinson and Love’s relationship flourished to the point where they even discussed having a child together.

“Courtney and I had names picked out and everything!” exclaimed Dickinson. “If it was a girl, we were going to name her Cocoa Bean. If it was a boy, we were going to name him Tobias Ronald, or Tobie Ron for short.”

Unfortunately, Love and Dickinson parted ways before any baby was in the works. The breakup interrogation went by unasked, as the bruise Dickinson unabashedly fashioned around his right eye internationally answered the question.

“So many other ‘musicians,’ such as Trent Reznor, have referred to Courtney as an opportunistic bitch. That couldn’t be further from the truth,” affirmed Dickinson. “Besides, it’s genetically impossible for Trent to know anyway, so I don’t see how it concerns him.”

Dickinson seemed confident in his characterization of Love, breakup episode aside. But despite his positive testimony, other theories suggested that it was Love who was using Dickinson in hopes of a pregnancy, which would then catapult her back into the spotlight, thus enabling her to reach ultimate groupie status. However, the Catherine Wheel camp never viewed Love as the über-groupie she’s often portrayed to be, and supported the couple wholeheartedly.

When asked to comment on the press’ angle of speculation on Love’s motives, Catherine Wheel manager and walking PR machine Merck Mercuriadis replied, “It makes you wonder who the real groupies are.”

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